Of Burnout and Psychosomatic Illnesses

A few weeks ago I was wondering how I can sleep so little and yet wake up so refreshed and energized, it's like I slept for 8 hours in a king-size bed in down covers with an 800+ thread count. ( In reality, I sleep for about 4-5 hours in an uncomfortably narrow leather couch. See how it amazes me?) During Friday nights I go out to work, I manage to not sleep the whole day on Saturday, sleep a little on Sunday, sleep a little again on Monday and again start the daily ritual of going to work. Not a problem.



Just when I thought though that I had finally managed to condition myself to maximise my time, I went back to my old sleeping issues. Now, I can sleep for 9 hours and wake up as if I'd been running the whole time. I'm tired, I get cranky easily and I feel as if I'm always on the verge of catching a fever, which I never actually catch. (Not that I'd actually want to, but what's the use of feeling sick if you can't excuse yourself from work because of it?) After pushing myself to go to work every weekday for the last 5 months (which is a feat for me, really), I started to not go to work again. I don't feel well, yes, but I stil could've gone there if I wanted to. I didn't have any gimmicks to go to, no other valid reason apart from I don't feel like it. I spent my shift hours alternately staring at my laptop, the TV screen and my ceiling and pestering other people who were about to sleep at their respective homes. Maybe the sudden resignation of 6 people around me (3 of whom were close to me and the other 3 weren't) forced me to re-think my situation and reminded me of who I really was. I'm not this corporate drone I keep pretending to be. I am not this eager beaver desperately wanting the validation of a mentor. Why do I try so hard to be so unlike good old me?

Ugh. Burnout again, eh?

I need to get myself checked tomorrow, er, later. I actually think I made myself sick. My throat's all scratchy, my nose is clogged, and again, that semi-imaginary fever. Last thing I need is to spend money on medicine for illnesses my brain is convincing me that I have.

I need to pull myself together... again... soon.